Those three focus areas are:ġ) Personal Development - I speak to an entrepreneurial coach every other week about developing my Self and spiritual work. Aside from three focus areas, I mostly de-prioritized everything else. Over the last two months, I have deliberately (in June) and unexpectedly (in August) slowed down. I feel more in the moment, more present and hopefully will start experiencing pleasure in a whole new way. It is what I've chosen for myself for one reason or another. Alas, I see my journey now is more pathless than defined. My old ways of being (masculine) had a path, detailed to the end, inconsiderate of my well being and balance of mind, body & soul. All I could do was be gentle with myself - that is what I believe I was being called to do (in the oh so unfamiliar feminine way of being). Surrendering all the other to-dos, wants, needs and roles was scary, confusing, sad and liberating. To accept the discomfort. to give it space in all the welcoming cells of my being… that was one of the hardest and darkest experiences of my life. I'm pretty sure I had most if not all negative emotions one can possible have and it zapped me entirely of my energy! Yet, all I could do was accept it. I am optimistic about the chaos and trust that it's meant to be, but this energy has not helped what I've been experiencing. I feel a weight, sadness, uncertainty - let's just loosely call it an "energy" - about what is happening and I absorb it and if I'm not conscious, I identify it as mine, my own problem. My dark place may have been triggered by what is happening in our country and on the planet today, which I am both aware of and sensitive to. Our society is taught to go from one thing to the next - Job A to Job B, House 1 to House 2 - and in the fast-paced American way, we often forget to observe the change and take time for ourselves. She referenced this "zone" from the William Bridges Change Model regarding transition and explained how we experience negative emotions because it is unfamiliar to be in transition or to be neutral. My business mentor gave me much relief when she identified it as a Neutral Zone, a period of time between an ending and a new beginning. I'm coming out of what I considered to be a dark place. As I become more aware of and vulnerable to my new experiences, I slow down and am reminded to simply notice. Recently and throughout life, I have taken some of life's pleasures for granted. Lord Byron's quote reminds me to experience the pleasure along the way. It takes a lot of trust and belief in myself and to be honest with you - some days I can stand proud in my trust and belief and other days, I don't know what the hell I'm doing! To expand on the metaphor, I may have to climb a tree, create tools out of rocks, and make friends with animals in the woods along the way. Additionally, my entrepreneurial (and personal) life currently carries with it so much uncertainty that I must realize, I'm not on somebody else's path this is a path that I get to create one day at a time. In speaking of my "new" approach, the simple fact that I consider it to be new creates an awareness that this is foreign territory - pathless woods. Are you able to sense the lightness just by reading that sentence about my new approach? I hope so. and what is life without pleasure? Boring! With my new approach, I get to simply notice myself and my environment, including home, friends, family, work, and nature. This narrow focus gets in the way of my experiencing pleasure. Having to find something carries with it a steadfast, intense energy that makes me envision myself marching to the beat of a soldier with my sights narrowly focused on the outcome. You see, I've been working on shifting my masculine ways of being and working. But one thing is true, I am determined to simply notice it as opposed to find it. I'm trying to not only believe this quote, but also embody it! I question it, too. "There is pleasure in the pathless woods." ~Lord Byron
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